NORM WALKER

The Immaculate Conception

© words and music by Norman G. Walker SOCAN

*chorus melody and a few words are from "Dixie", by Daniel D. Emmett*

Come and listen to a story that was told to me
'Bout May 12, 1863
Such a terrible war between the grey and blue
It's a story about a woman of seventeen years
'Bout a soldier stranger who never came near
It's hard to believe but I swear that it's true
Well the battle was on and the man fell down
From a poorly placed bullet that put him to the ground
He found that his left testicle was gone
Half a second later came a terrible cry
That very same bullet through the air did fly
And pierced the woman low in her side

I wish I was in the land of cotton
Where stories like this are not forgotten
Look away, look away, look away, faint-hearted.

Well the man recovered though it took some time
To adjust to the assault on his sexual prime
In just a few months his mind was more at ease
But that woman was ill for a month or two
That bullet went in but it never went through
Evenually she was back on her feet
But just two hundred and seventy eight days
From the time that rifle ball went astray
An eight pound bouncin' baby boy was born
That woman swore that she was a virgin
It was verified by a military surgeon
Dr. L.G. Capers was his name

I wish I was in the land of cotton
Where stories like this are not forgotten
Look away, look away, look away, if you have to.

When the baby was only three weeks old
That doctor was called and quietly told
To check the baby's swollen sensitive scrotum
To operate was his medical call
He extracted a battered up rifle ball
"They's no mistake cuz guns, well, he know'd 'em"
That doctor thought til it all came clear
That rifle ball carried sperm so dear
From the wounded man to the womb of that virgin
Now I'm not sure if this is an exception
But it sounds to me like immaculate conception
Please call the pope for me now, I'm urgin'

I wish I was in the land of cotton
Where stories like this are not forgotten
Look away, look away, look away, unfaithful.

This miraculous story doesn't end here
The doctor told that soldier clear
That he was the father of that baby
Of couse he seemed quite skeptical at first
But a doctor is a doctor, and it could have been worse
So he consented to visit the young mother
A friendship ripened to a happy marriage
Three more kids and you can't disparage
That none looked more like dad than the first one
On more thing I'll tell you true
That soldier was my great grandpa too
And she of course was my great grandmother

I wish I was in the land of cotton
Where stories like this are not forgotten
Look away, look away, look away,........ unbelievers.

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